An Excerpt from Secret Knowledge Volume One
SK: Was there a particular life event that triggered your transition from Satanism and Setianism to more eastern philosophies? What were you moving towards and what were you leaving behind?
NS: My shift from darkness to dharma’s clear light wasn’t a reaction to any one particular existential experience. It was a gradual process ebbing and flowing over decades. First, just to set the record straight, I’m still a devotee of Seth, whose cult my teacher Zeena revived in 2002. And Seth is not Satan, despite some misinformed fantasies about that god’s place in Egyptian religion. What was I moving towards? I’ve stumbled into plenty of dead ends, but always tried to move towards ultimate truth. As for what I left behind, if I learn that a spiritual path’s leading me astray, I’ve always been prepared to abandon it if empirical evidence proves me wrong. I didn’t go looking for a spiritual path out of intellectual curiosity, but was driven to seek answers due to several spontaneous childhood mystical experiences. Growing up in an extremely permissive bohemian family during the 60s counterculture, I was allowed to pursue my fascination with the actual personage of the Devil and magic without any of the usual parental disapproval most on that path encounter. Though I was a fanatically devoted Devil worshiper, my promiscuous nature led me to flirt with many other spiritual methods too, including Eastern mysticism. Several dramatic past life experiences showed me that reincarnation was real, so I always accepted that aspect of Buddhism. As a child, I was obsessed by an antique Buddha-shaped incense holder my father brought back from Japan after World War II. I’m sure this was a memory of Dharma practice in previous incarnations. Despite my lifelong leaning towards the Luciferian, I began meditating under the guidance of an Advaita yogini when I was thirteen. Inexplicable psychic and telepathic events during my adolescence made my search for the mind’s true nature more urgent. In 1981, even while engaged in Goetic black magic and ritual evocation of the Devil and other deities, and experimenting with entheogenic drugs, I sharpened my meditation practice greatly by studying at a Los Angeles Zen center. In ‘83, a small magical commune I was involved with worked with the non-teaching of Krishnamurti. He was the first human being I ever met who impressed me as genuinely enlightened, at least at the time. Later that year, in London, while screwing around with Kenneth Grant’s Typhonian sex sorcery, Enochian, and Spare’s sigil magic, I was also initiated by a traditional Indian Tantric guru who worshiped Kali, my entry to the true left hand path. My 1983 encounter with Seth in Egypt was another turning point, though I misinterpreted that awe-inspiring event. After all this teetering between Eastern religion and Western occultism, I devoted myself exclusively to the Faustian Mephistophelean direction during the nine-year Radio Werewolf ritual from 1984 to 1993. But even that was mixed with Northern paganism and Eastern influences. In ‘93, Zeena and I went through a crisis of faith with the limits of occultism. Then later, after our extremely negative experiences in the Temple of Set, we finally renounced modern occultism to embrace ancient religious tradition instead. In the early 2000s, a particular meditation session revealed to me the truth of karma, non-self, emptiness, and universal compassion. I’d arrogantly rejected these basic Buddhist tenets for years despite using Buddhist mind training techniques for my own selfish purposes. That tipping point guided me from Tantric Shaktism to take formal refuge in Tantric Buddhism. Since then, I try to follow in the inspiring footsteps of Milarepa, the great Karma Kagyu master, who also abandoned the self-centered practice of black magic for Buddhism’s much wider scope. In outlining my journey for your readers, I’m not preaching to anyone. Everyone must find their own way, in their own time, even if trial and error convinced me that Tantric Buddhism’s unbroken lineage provides the truest most tested way to awakening and liberation.